The Diagnosis

Sorry we’ve not blogged in a while. Life has certainly been hectic and has got in the way of my outlet.

4 years of fighting. 4 years of saying I cannot Parent my child properly. 4 years of complete chaos. 4 years of my child hitting me, throwing things at me and yelling abuse. 10 years of feeling like a failing parent.

We have tried. Like really tried, every parenting method going. We have tried every approach.

To be greeted by the Paediatrician at our latest appointment, with a beaming smile and the encouraging words “We have some answers today” was amazing. I cannot even begin to describe the relief I felt at that moment.

Junior has been diagnosed with a severe form of Hyperactive, impulsive ADHD. The Paediatrician thinks there may be something else underlying too, but would like to deal with the ADHD first.

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I’ve always been against medicating my Cub but after a very lengthy discussion we are starting on a small dose.

The relief i feel that I’m not just a shit Mum is incredible. The feeling that my Son has a mental illness/disability is crushing. My side of the Family have a lot of mental illness and I have seen first hand the incredible struggles and the damage that can happen.

We have a long way to go. A huge way to go. This is only the very beginning of our already long journey.

We are hoping to see an improvement in Juniors behaviour soon. He’s back to needing to be restrained again. We still have more bad days but hopefully, with the help of his medication he will start having more good days, and Oh boy I can’t wait for them.

We also got another diagnosis regarding his seizure, a few appointments ago. Junior doesn’t have Epilepsy, he has Reflex Vasovagal Synacope. He could have another seizure any time. We haven’t sussed out the trigger yet. 

We just have to take one day at a time.
Until then we have the love and support to get through this journey and come out stronger. πŸ’™
 

 

I am the Mum….

I am the Mum you see out and about.

The Mum who looks young.

The Mum who has three children.

The Mum who looks like she has no control over her boys. Β The Boys who you may hear before you see, the boys who cant keep still. The boys who talk at a high volume.

The Mum you judge.

The one who you stop and stare at, and feel the need to take a moment out of your day to make a comment on how i “need to control my children” or how “disgusting their behaviour is” or “is there any need for the level of noise they produce”.

If my Boys had a physical disability, would you be more understanding? Would you give me a sympathetic look, and walk on by?

Yes you would. How do i know that?

Because when Alfie was in a Maclaren Major pram having a meltdown. I didnt get judgemental stares and comments.

When Junior has his ear defenders on, and is stood twiddling his twiddle toy. I dont get as many judgemental stares and comments.

Can you not see that during a meltdown in the middle of a Supermarket, when im on the verge of tears, getting punched, kicked and swore at by my Son, that maybe he cant deal with the situation. Hes not just a naughty child. Your stares and comments dont help. Yes its human nature to stare, but please dont stop and stare. Please keep your comments to yourself.

You may think im not disaplining my children.

Truth is, during a meltdown. I cant reason with them. During a meltdown theres not much i can do, but try and remove them from the situation, reassure them and wait for it to pass. My Boys are getting big now at ages 10 and 8 its getting harder and harder to remove them from situations. Please be patient. Please dont judge. Please just walk on by.

Truth is when you do judge, it has a massive impact on me. Yes me. The boys dont care what you think. Not in a bad way. They just dont care. I do care. Your not only critising me as a person and a Mum. Your critising my children. You are judging them. That is what i find hard. Your making an impression of my children, before you know them.

Most of all.

I am the Mum who will defend her children. I am the Mum who is learning not to react to your comments, because its all due to ignorance. Lack of knowledge.

I am the Mum who loves her children no matter what………

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The EEG

I havent posted in a while. I have a lot to get my head around. I will forever be grateful for the amount of support and well wishes i have recieved through Instagram and the blogging world.

So Junior had his EEG.

We had lots of questions to answer again. Most of them ones we had already been asked.

We explained we think Junior had another seizure which we described in detail and also the two absenses we think he may of had. I also explained, that i feel im going crazy, that i may be looking at something which is not really there, or reading to much in to it.

Junior did really well and tolarated the Nurse putting all the wires on his head. He followed instructions well, open and close your eyes, keep them close, open them, blow this windmill, look at flashing light. He kept as still as he could. I didnt notice anything unusual during the test apart from his leg twitching a lot during the blowing exercise, again i dont know if im looking into it too much.

Im so glad we took advice from a fellow blogger and took a hat, his hair was a mess! And Junior has a need for perfect hair! not a good mix.

The test didnt take that long overall.

We took Junior for a walk around York, had a Mcdonalds and a trip to Lush to choose a bathbomb for a relaxing bath when he got home. He settled on a little butterbear.

We also have managed to get a sedative for Juniors MRI which is due soon. What a carry on that was. The Dr originally didnt want to prescribe one, until he took a proper look at Juniors notes and must of realised, he wont keep still.

This journey in equal measures is going too quick, but also at the same time its going too slow. I really want answers, but equally im scared of the answers. Junior will still be Junior, i just worry about his future.

“Your Son definatly has a disorder”

IMG_20161011_175308.jpgHearing them words, even when you think you are expecting them, knock the wind out of you.

So many feelings.

Elated, a proffesional sees what i see, im not going crazy. Im not a bad Mum after all. We are finally going to get some answers. An officially diagnosis. We will get help.

Sad, because what does the future hold? Junior is upset with me. This appointment was the first time, ive spoken openly in front of him.

Confused, we have always been told that Junior more than likely has ADHD and Asperger. The paediatrition isnt sure, although he thinks there may be some ASD there. Junior doesnt tick every box! I was only just coming to terms with ADHD and Aspergers. Now we are back to square one. Comfused, what will happen next?

Everything is coming all at once. So many tests. Millions of repetitive questions on family history. So many unanswered questions, are they trying to find blame? Point fingers? Trying to figure out if im just a bad parent? Theres too many appointments. I feel trapped in a whirlwind.

I can only imagine how Junior might be feeling. All i can do is answer his million and one questions.

I have never felt so nervous in my life, we are awaiting so many answers. We have so many questions.

I have to figure out how to explain it all to Junior.

First things first though, we will hopefully know by the beginning of November if Junior has Epilepsy or not.

This is one long journey.

We can finally see a light. Im not sure if im ready for the answers yet though…..

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