I often sit and wonder, will my life contain any consistency? Junior and Alfie crave consistancy, but Junior is so unpredictable. He can go from 1 to 100 in 0.1 seconds. I can’t always see a trigger. Am I blind? Is there a trigger? I’m mentally exausted. It’s as if I get sucked into a false sense of security, that we have finally made progress.
We went on a trip to Dalby Forest yesterday with a support group we have just joined. We had a good day, a better than good day, he smiled had fun and the other children actually got him. Junior only had two meltdowns during the trip, nobody judged, nobody stared. After Junior punched me I got asked if I was ok, and that was it. The support was amazing. The feeling was amazing that Junior could be himself and nobody mentioned his screaming, loudness and social inappropriateness. It was all too much at the end of the day and ended in an epic meltdown, to which he fell asleep to.
I thought today we be good. How wrong was I? We have had meltdown after meltdown. I don’t know if punishing him for hitting his brother helps or makes things worse? If when I tell him off for swearing, am I making it worse? Tonight Juniors gone to bed screaming, saying “I hate you Mum” I don’t know if he knows how much he affects me, or if he does it because he knows it gets to me? After all the positives we have had I feel like we have taken a massive backwards step. It seems it’s just getting harder and harder as he gets older, and the summer holidays don’t help.
But after all tomorrow’s another day. I must stay with the positives.