10 steps back 1 leap forward

imageI took this picture today to capture a huge monumental moment in our life. We have had so many backward steps at the moment. Junior has had many meltdowns and has been especially high at the moment. After having a discussion with our support worker, she talked about Juniors loudness, excessive screaming and the need to run around, and throw things.  Junior displays these behaviours much more, and more intensely in busy places such as supermarkets and town. I avoid taking him to these places, and as bad as it sounds, i would rather leave him at home with his Dad. Anyways the support worker suggested Junior displayed these behaviours due to too much sensory stimulus. After much thought and connecting dots we could see a pattern in behaviour, and it all started to make sense. I decided to order some ear defenders for a little trial or experiment as you might call it. Junior enjoys wearing them at times. Today was the first time he wore them in public. I was a bit concerned about people staring and him looking out of place, but then isn’t it the same during a meltdown when he’s hitting me, spitting at me and swearing. Junior didn’t care about wearing them. We had the calmest most successful shopping trip in Sainsburys ever, I cannot even begin to describe how this small moment has caused so much happiness. Junior walked, yes walked around Sainsburys, spoke at a normal tone, and stood at the checkout. He even spent a calm 20 mins going through the cars in the toy section. He was allowed two new cars. So of course they all had to come out of the display with an explanation of the make and model and why he should or shouldn’t get the car, but it was done calmly, no getting angry at everything and anyone who walked past. Even my Mum who was with us was completely amazed, in whole 10 years of Juniors life this has never and I mean never happened! It was like he was another child! I’m so glad I put my own feelings aside and told him to wear them. I cannot believe I even thought otherwise and I feel really guilty about it now, I fact I feel like a shit Mum. It’s as if I have let society’s dictate how my Cubs should be. from now on I’m willing to try anything. For the first time in forever i can go to bed stress free and feel like I have actually accomplished in the start of making my little Cub happy. Tonight for the first time in what feels like forever we can all go to bed happy and calm. It’s amazing how one small thing that has gone so well can make such a huge difference  ❤️

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