I have been reading through Juniors “Multi Agency Meeting Minutes” for the billionth time. Each time I read them I realise just how complex Junior is, and how consistent his behaviours are. It doesn’t matter were he is. What he’s doing. Or how it affects anyone else. He only ever thinks of himself.

Juniors main issue is control. He needs. Has too, control everyone. Everything. Every situation, if people don’t comply he gets violent.  He says the most horrible vile things. He swears. Junior needs to be the centre of everyone’s attention. He craves attention. Negative or positive. Junior can help someone, but then turn the situation to benefit himself, to receive the praise, he feels he deserves. Junior can go from  0 to 100 in 0.1 seconds, say the wrong thing, will end in a epic meltdown.

Everyone who deals with Junior has to constantly think what they say, how they say it and how to approach Junior.  School never use negative words when dealing with Junior. It’s very hard work and very draining. I’m sure it is for Junior too.

More and more lately I have been trying to see things from his point of view. How a negative word can trigger such a reaction. how he must feel constantly. I often wonder how he feels  when he’s angry and hypersensitive to touch, and someone touches him, or brushes past him. How must he must feel when his routine changes, as his reactions as so severe. How he reels facts at you in the most inappropriate places and cannot keep still, this has been suspected to be worse in noisy environments.

If you didn’t know Junior like we do, you would just suspect he’s just a naughty, disrespectful boy. 

The more research I do, I think the more I am understanding Junior. The more I understand why professionals think he may have Aspergers. 

The over the top laughter when a joke gets told or he’s watching TV, makes me wonder does he actually understand what is been said. When we say a saying in conversations and he takes it literally. How he doesn’t really have friends. He would prefer to stay in school and do jobs for the teacher. This used to make feel really sad, at how alone he might be. Until recently when I realised this is when he’s happy, he doesn’t like the unstructured rules of the playground. So maybe been inside doing jobs is the best thing for him. It saves a child from getting hurt, and Junior been distressed and taken out of class, for not been able to calm down. 

when we go places with Junior, he never seems to be happy, his brain is always going ten to the dozen, you can almost see it. We went to the cinema, all Junior did throughout was ask questions, which were very important to him, ” I bet the electric bills massive here”, ” I want to know how much popcorn they go through each month”, “do you think the people who work here get bored of seeing the same films”, ” I bet them speakers cost a lot” the questions were endless through out, and for the rest of the day. 

Sometimes i wonder, will we have a day when Junior be truely happy for a day? Will we ever have a meltdown free day? A day we can enjoy each other company? At the moment I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s there, but it feels unreachable. I don’t know if a diagnosis will bring the light closer. All I do know is, I want to know what we are dealing with. 

The most terrifying part at the moment is how to explain to Junior about his paediatrician appointment. I am most definitely leaving it till the day before to tell him. How i am going to tell him is the next part to figure out. His reaction terrifys me. 

Next week is about getting pictorial boards together. Hopefully it will make things a little easier. 



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